Mt. Tam Calling

Oh, Amy?  Here...........  It's for you...............  Oh, it's no big deal.  It's just Mt. Tam.

Climbing Mt. Tam was a lofty/unrealistic goal Billy and I set for ourselves back in 2012 when we first started riding bikes more seriously together.  That year we ventured to do a few slightly less leisurely rides like climbing up to Skyline and riding the American River Trail from Sacramento to Fair Oaks to visit my parents.

We have hyped Mt. Tam FOR-EH-VOR.  We watched youtube videos.  Discussed getting our brakes changed.  Went back and forth about tentative dates.  And thoroughly psyched ourselves out completely about this 12 mile climb until finally Billy got it out of his system the day after Thanksgiving 2013.  I remember him skype-recapping this experience with mixed emotions (smiling and swearing and smiling again...).

Since returning from France I've invested even more time in the saddle alongside Billy and dreamed of making the Mt. Tam trek...  to the point where it seemed like every time I crossed over the Park Street bridge I heard Mt. Tam whispering my name in the wind... "Amy!  Amy!  Come ride me!"  Ha!  Maybe I built it up a little too much???  Well you can imagine my surprise when an impromtu Saturday morning ride with a friend who races for Dolce Vita turned into a group ride up to the *tippy* top of Mt. f#$^*ing Tam!  OMG

So.......  I get off BART at 16th & Mission Street to meet my new *fast* female friend who I had been emailing with all week about doing a long-ish endurance ride (3 hours/50 miles-ish, but I was thinking easy, maybe Tiburon loop or something like that).  Uhhhh.... First thing she says to me is "Did you get my email?!"  I was like "I'm sorry I didn't" thinking to myself "Well, *that's* because you were in bed like a granny at 8pm last night," so.....  She was like, "Well, Mei - [Ding!  Bright orange synapses fired full-speed strava signals to my pleasure center like I'm about to meet a celebrity...  ALL HAIL!  Mei, queen of San Francisco segments!] - invited us to join her on the Bespoke ride, but they are taking off from Pac Heights in fifteen minutes."  Well, ignoring every alert my body was sending to go ahead and abort this mission I jumped on her wheel and we jammed up the wiggle to meet the group.

When I squeaked up on my ten-year-old death-metal-bumper-stickered Specialized tank to 20 geared-out astronauts in their fancy pants kits straddling some of the nicest bikes I've ever seen I looked like such a newb and - I tell ya - the oops-I-pooped-my-pants smell coming from my worn out spandex didn't help much.  About ten seconds after we arrived, Justin, the apparent leader of the pack started to explain the route.  He never actually said "Mt. Tam".  Oh no.  While he dropped names like "Pantoll" and "East Hills" and "wait - did he just say Alpe d'Huez - what?!?"  I focused most of my attention on keeping my breakfast down...

We took off and, oh you know, just that feeling when you are all the sudden on a group ride and you have to quietly ask your friend if he was talking about GOING UP TO THE TOP OF MT. TAM!?!?!

LOL





Once we started climbing we didn't stop.  The road just kept going up.  For an hour.  Between expletives I managed to cough questions at cyclists passing me by about how much further it was to Pantoll.  They just laughed or told me to not worry about it or pedaled faster to clear the stench.  I couldn't even believe it when I arrived at the top, though - I gotto say - can't beat the view!

While the rest of the group rode down to Stinson Beach and back, I climbed at a conversation pace the rest of the way from Pantoll with a few other ladies who agreed that tacking another .5 miles of vertical climbing was insane (but not Mei - no way!).  Haha!  The three of us split up about half way down the hill and my new friend (who turns out is the sweetest woman in the world - and she speaks French!) picked up lunch and a coffee together in SF.  I didn't get home until after 4pm!  What a beautiful ride though.  Oh man.  Though I was overwhelmed and beat, I actually don't think I've ever felt better.

Crazy Critter!

I fished a daddy long legs out of the tub yesterday morning and it didn't dawn on my until just now how my little power animal was paying me a visit before my big race.

With all the foot problems I've been having this year it made sense for me to focus my energy on cycling for a while so I did my first Criterium race a few weeks ago.  I got a flat on the second to last lap and my front wheel was a mess, oh man, but boy was it exhilarating to be out on a closed course with a bunch of other fast females!  So inspired!

After a disappointing DNF I finally built up the confidence to sign up for another Crit on Saturday, June 20th.  My goals, in order, for that race were as follows:

1.  stay upright
2.  stay with the peloton (ie don't get dropped from the group)
3.  suck wheel
4.  maintain a competitive position into the last lap
5.  sprint last 200m at 30-34mph

My lovely sister Sarah let us borrow her car this whole weekend.  So Billy was up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to drive me to the race in Pleasanton with time to register for the race and attend a clinic (where seasoned Berkeley cyclist Meredith Nielsen was instrumental in helping me find the right gear and avoid crashing)!  This race was Cat 3/4 combined, so I didn't experience the same problem with overlapping wheels (the field was so much faster!).  It was an eventful race with a crash and a flat.  I accomplished all my goals, but didn't finish even close to the podium...  15th out of 28 riders.  :(

But, hey look, I'm on the board!

Criterium racing has humbled me on the bike for sure.  Crits are risky business and winning requires strategy, skill, and speed.  Road racing season is right around the corner and I kinda can't wait to sink my cleats into those!  I've got about a month to work on my front wheelie.  ;)

Snake

Today, I set out to break my time up Snake (a steep 1.5 mile climb up to Skyline Boulevard in Oakland).  My first attempt was just last week and I really went for it from the start, but then lost steam at the top (shooting for under 10 minutes I barely made it in under 12:30 - Oyoyoy!).

Today I was determined to try a new strategy.  I held back the reigns for the first half of the climb (up to Colton) and then really let loose on the last quarter mile (after Thornhill).  This strategy paid off as I shaved 45 seconds off my original time (11:34).  This made me particularly happy because I'm now barely hanging on to the tenth spot out of all the women who have climbed that segment on strava (woohoo!).




I'm already pumped about improving my time next week.  Here are my ideas!
1.  Climb with cleaner lines (cut corners smarter and make straight shots up the squiggles)
2.  Use a nasal decongestant strip (an experienced cyclist recommended this to me for getting more oxygen into my bloodstream - still need to try it!)
3.  Start attacking the hill from Shepard Canyon downhill (this is a little cheap as a tactic, but it will bring my average speed way up if I can get a running start into that first steep climb)
4.  Sprint - slow to fast - sooner (Instead of gunning it and having to back off later, steadily build speed from Thornhill up to 15mph and then stand up to sprint all the way through Colton)

Ohhhh can't wait to do this again!

Swimming Milestone #1

Timed 100 @ 1:45ish.  I can also tell the difference between fast and slow in the pool now.  So yay for that.  Haha.

Swimming is by far the area of triathlon racing that I stand to improve the most in a short period of time.  The first real milestone actually may have been a few practices ago where I actually felt like I was *swimming* instead of *not drowning*...  My goals have progressed each week and now just about every time I get in the pool I feel like I'm getting more comfortable and faster (which is the goal - ha!).

Lately, I've been practicing a method called Total Immersion (the site was recommended to me by Coach Chris at the OTC Mills swim workouts), which the basic gist I've gathered is as follows:
1.  Relax the recovery arm (high elbow, but fingertips almost drag along the water's surface before dropping into the water)
2.  Emphasize feeling the surface area of the arm catch the water at a target point in front of shoulder
3.  Kick once at the same time and with the same leg as the entry arm upon entry

Now, this last point is what has helped me the most with my anxiety in the water.  If ever I feel scared like I might drown I just go back to this rhythm (kick and stroke same side just once together!)...  This really helps my body calm down.  I'm not sure what it is about this that actually works, but - for some reason seriously I have no idea why - it calms my whole body down and gives me the confidence I need to keep going.  If my kicking is frantic and I'm gasping for air, I just go back to this easy rhythm (kick and stroke on the same side together).  It brings my heart rate down immediately and I'm able to focus on other things like relaxing my neck and catching the water and rotating my body to take breaths.  Anyways, I'm definitely learning a lot in the pool.  I'm starting to crave harder workouts, but I know I still just need to hit my stride...

Lakeside Bump

The day after my 32nd birthday, I went on a ride with Billy to get the QOM (queen of the mountain) on the segment Lakeshore to Lakeside Bump in Oakland and it's finally displaying on strava.  Yay!

Because I've been nursing this turf toe I've been riding and swimming a lot more.  I'm getting faster!

Win a Sprint Triathlon in 2015: Goals and Challenges

Flying Dream

I soared over a cobble-stone swirl of city streets at the base of a dark green forested mountain range.  The sky was gloomy and gray, but I was looking down through low clouds over the town to choose where I would touch down.  I zoomed in onto the town square where a woman wore her dark hair down.  Her hair was parted down the middle and dangling in thin layers over swoops of cotton clothing.  A mother sat nearby watching her daughter dart about the wicker cafe seats.  

***

I promised a former student-athlete of mine that I would blog as soon as I started flying in my dreams.  Normally it means that I'm in a really good place in my life.  :)

On Overcoming Obstacles

Scars are cool.  When you're a volleyball player, bruises, floor burns, and contusions on your knees become kind of like badges of honor. Every scar has a story.  Well, the scars on my knees are kind of a long story...

I was a climb-two-stairs-at-a-time kind of kid.  At 6, I was the girl organizing a bracket for foot races with all the boys on the playground.  Athletically, I was never extraordinary, but ever since I can remember I've always *wanted* to be the fastest, jump the highest, and be the best.  That desire drove me to make the jump to a big, public high school volleyball team after playing two years for Victory Christian (a small private junior high in Fair Oaks, CA).  Freshman year I was most-improved. Sophomore year I was most-inspirational. By my Senior year I was captain on Varsity.  I've loved the game ever since.

Flash forward to college - In 2004, at our last home match against cross-town rival Holy Names (during my fourth and final season playing at Mills College in Oakland, CA), I blocked a ball and landed on a hyperextended right knee, causing my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) to snap and roll up like blinds.

That December, I elected to undergo ACL surgery.  I awoke from sedation with my sister Sarah and my mom by my bedside.  The searing pain in my knee caused involuntary tears to pour from the corners of my eyes and down my cheeks and soak my hospital gown.  For fear of this pain returning, I finished all the prescribed meds (which left me useless and drooling on my parents couch for two weeks).  Haha...  This half-baked state was perfect for appreciating my parents' two thousand cable channels (mostly TCM and the food channel).  My mind was a perfect *mush* when I went back to Mills on crutches to finish my Senior spring.  But I was prancing around in high heels by graduation day and, the following August, after 8 months of physical therapy, I was back at Mills getting taped up for the Alumni match.

I continued to play, and in 2007, in a qualifying match at an outdoor grass tournament in Detroit, IL, it happened again, but this time to my left knee!  After planting a kill cross-court on the three meter line, a crack sounded out that sent shivers down my spine.  I knew instantly it was another ACL tear. This meant another surgery and another year of rest, ice, compression, and elevation (ie, no running, no jumping, no climbing two stairs at a time, and, worst of all... no volleyball!).

Six months later... After my second elective surgery, I stopped the meds after the first day.  Falling asleep without pain-killers that night was a little like jumping off a cliff, but I woke up basically pain-free the next morning.  It sounds crazy, but being awake and aware and not all drugged up helped me meditate on my body's natural ability to heal.  I put some of the tools my college coach, Marla Mundis, had taught me to good use.  As I dredged through 6 more months of rehab, I visualized my recovery.  This may sound a little ridiculous, but I imagined a mini-construction crew going up and down the inner workings of my knee joint on scaffolding, soldering and smoothing over all the rough surfaces.  Being off the meds also gave me the presence of mind to focus on the challenge at hand...  REHAB.  Once again, I re-learned how to stand, walk, run, tip toe, kneel, climb, jump, land, cycle, swim, and play.

Over the long run - being hurt was an obstacle that created so many positive outcomes in my life.  I became closer to my parents and Billy (who I relied on incessantly during this time).  My goal of maintaining healthy knees drove me into the yoga studio.  I started coaching to stay involved in the sport.  Ten years later, I'm still using my knowledge of ACL injuries to teach proper mechanics in the next generation of volleyball players: how to jump and land and quickly change direction *safely* and how to improve leg strength in ways that will support the whole body.  The rehab made me completely unafraid of square one.  Today I am fully recovered...  And now, I would venture to say that *my wounds healed me*.

The original injuries were scary.  They made me feel broken and (albeit temporarily) strangely robbed me of my femininity.  Being hurt changed the way I moved through the world and the way I saw myself.  However, the surgeries were even more scary.  Afterwards, I felt physically, financially, and spiritually crippled.  Violated and maimed.  And then, of course, this was abruptly followed by the demanding uphill road of rehabilitation, which required time, planning, and - most of all - conviction.  After my second ACL surgery, it took me a good five years to get back where I was (that is, back to taking stairs two at a time).

Now, I'm not sure if I'll ever stop taking two stairs at a time, but I know that if I do, I will do so knowing that my strength doesn't come from knees.  My true strength as a human being comes from a deep hidden place within me that I discovered thanks to my knees.  :)

The French National Team

The husband of my coach is the Head Coach of the National-Championship-winning professional men’s team in Tours and also Head Coach of the Female French National team (who has been practicing here this week to prepare for their World Championship qualification matches against Bulgaria, Croatia, and the Netherlands).  So, I spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday watching the women’s French National team trainings that have been open to the public at the Palais des Sports in downtown Tours.  These ladies totally rock and inspire me by the way they play the game.  Their power and speed is just astounding!  They don’t make mistakes.  Here is me with my two favorite powerhouse players, both outside hitters:

These girls make the ball go BEAM!

French Milestone #1

I finally dreamed in French!  Yay!

We were on the beach and this huge humpback whale was coming up close to the shore and turning over and for some reason I had an exacto knife.  A long narrow part of the whale came crashing down on me so that, for a moment, my world shrunk down to (from the ground up):  sand, exacto knife, the left side of my face, the rest of my head, a very heavy whale part.  I wasn't scared.  Instead, I felt pure shock, followed immediately by complete curiosity.  I found a way to relax there and to signal to everyone on the beach that I was alright.  It wasn't long before I was in front of a mirror in a nearby beach house putting the finishing touches on my white linen outfit.  Tim Kelly from Bring It Promotions came in to announce the details of our evening outing (French reality TV show style).  Haha - so weird!

It's such a relief that this milestone has been reached.  Dream in French.  Check.  :)

Revised Goals for 2014

Same format, different goals are here and here.

I Need a Miracle

Riding back from my second weight lifting seance with a team mate, this song was stuck in my head...

Mostly because it was the last song playing at the gym before we left, but also because it's really how I feel about how much better I want to be at volleyball.  I need a miracle!  Ahahah...

After our tournament Saturday (we won six straight sets!), it's clear that I need to work on front row defense, defending the tip, and serve-receive passing!  Maggie helped me with two concepts: 1. serving between players (making them move and make decisions) and 2. speeding up my arm swing when my timing and the set are right.  "BEAM!" she said.  Haha!

I'm really excited to work hard at practice tonight...  That's all for now.  More later!

Meeting Louis CK, Apologies, Corrections...

Last night the team practiced with two new girls.  Very exciting.  Still lots of work to do...  Also moved into my own place last night!  This morning I woke up in my own bed in my own room!

I had a super vivid dream about meeting Louis CK:
Sarah and Meghan and I were pouring off a bus along with a whole lot of other people.  We were walking up a Bay Bridge highway on ramp when I noticed Louis CK just laying back on the asphalt.  I stopped dead in my tracks (inconveniencing a bunch of people who had to then step around us) and said "Oh my God, Louie!!!!  ...or is it Louis??  Haha... I don't know, but it's you!  Louis CK!"  I awkwardly bent over and gave him a weirdly forced hug while he was laying there and couldn't really go anywhere or hug me back.  Ha!  I don't remember much more except that (once he stood up) I got to tell him that I thought his best joke was the "Noggin" joke and then I woke up and, to no avail, tried to go right to sleep in the same position so that I could go back to the dream and bask in the light of his greatness...

Louis CK is one of my heroes for a few reasons:
1.  The arch of his career proves that hard work works
2.  Female ally in comedy (He seriously is...)
3.  Thinks for himself and owns how he interacts with his audience
4.  Makes his work cheap and accessible online
5.  Shameless, Hilarious, Chewed Up, Oh My God, just to name a few...
When I get back to the States I want to meet him super bad.  Just putting that out there, Universe...  :)

Back to France.  I'm all set up with a bed, hot water, laundry, electricity, a fast and free internet connection, and unlimited use of the world's smallest kitchen.  Ha!

This morning I set out to buy some necessities like shampoo, toothpaste, sponges, dish soap, salt, pepper, oil, vinegar, etc.  And now I must apologize and take back something I wrote in previous posts here and here because I found French Farmer's Market MECCA in Les Halles (a cute corner of town just a few bus stops over the bridge from my new home!).  I seriously almost passed out when I saw it - I was so excited!!!  Just Oh! like a kilometer squared of beautiful farm fresh fruits and veggies, local eggs, vinegars, oils, cheeses, fish, meats, every French food your heart could desire.  So, I'm sorry I was quick to judge you, Tours, because your farmer's markets are insanely cool.  :)

Tonight is my first practice coaching the men's regional team here.  So, at 8pm about 15 adult men who only speak French are going to be staring at me and listening to me (haha - hopefully!).  Here goes nothing!

To All the Long Shots!

Music Credits:  SF based Mahgeetah off their "State" EP "Long Shot", Video Credits: Ryan Ovadia 

Day 12 - I Had a Dream

I awoke in a wet warmth on the pavement outside a Target store. When I came to, there were workers spraying psychedelic graffiti art of targets all over the walls outside, turning doors into walls, and covering up secret compartments… A sliding glass door opened nearby so I wrapped myself in a thick, rough white cotton blanket and ran deep into the hospital-white hallway. I sensed some movement behind me, so I dodged into a women’s bathroom. There I found a locker room and a shower where many women of all ages, shapes, and sizes were engaging in what looked like post-game clean up. I joined them and nobody noticed that I didn’t belong (including me). When we were ready, the owner of Strauss Carpets called us into an adjacent room to talk to us. As we entered the room I noticed the girls’ faces more… Some were plump with darker skin and hair, some were very young and skinny, some were older with wrinkled leathery skin and light hair. The owner of Strauss carpets, a short, fit older man with tanned skin and white hair, looked at us through wire glasses and spoke in a confident tone. The team had a tentative, scrutinizing air... I forget what he said, but he was looking right at me and I was immediately overwhelmed with the thought “I’m here because of his generosity”. My eyes welled up with joy and shame and fear and I couldn’t help it – the tears just flowed…

I woke up in the spare room where I slept last night - sunlight pouring in through the window. My whole upper body was covered in sweat and the deep sense of gratitude from my dream was still strongly present in my mind and body. The generosity of others has brought me this far. I wouldn’t be here without my incredible friends and family. I can’t believe this is happening… I tryout tonight. Wish me luck!

...

I ate breakfast at the house and then spent the day sight seeing in Tours. It really is beautiful here and there is so much that reminds me of home... Seriously, don't laugh, but I was super stoked every time I saw a gay couple (like absurdly glad that people are out here). Haha! I walked to the City Hall where there was an exhibition on the new tramway they've built here. Cool artist, Daniel Buren, conceptualized the whole project and he has some amazing ideas. You can read about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Buren

I checked out the town, the shops, the markets, and the churches. At 8pm, I met six girls on the current team and started working out with them. Everyone is white, which bums me out a little, but at least we're all different ages (13-36!!!!)... And, yes, you probably guessed it already, but I was, in fact, aced by that thirteen-year-old!

Seriously though, I hit well, showed off my fitness and my attitude, but didn't exactly give them the best example of my serve-receive passing and serving. The coach is SO AMAZING. She's perhaps the fittest fifty year old I've ever met. Very even keel. Knows her shit... I know I would be so so lucky to be coached by her. After practice, I shared a snack and a drink with the leadership and gave them my terms: an apartment, a bike, health insurance, visas, USA Volleyball fees, a salary, and possibly a ticket home. They seem interested in my ability to coach. The work required would be two practices and one game a week until May of next year. Obviously, I would have to put the extra work in to improve my game. They are going to counter offer tomorrow before the last train back to Amsterdam...

Very exciting! More later...

Day 11 - The KLM Counter

Welp. I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not single enough, young enough, quick enough, strong enough... The reality is that I’m supposed to be getting on a plane home right now because I wasn’t good enough in anyone’s opinion to play professionally on this continent with any success… and let’s be real here. I’m not. I’m not good enough. I know what good looks like and I’m not it!!!!

But life, it seems, is not that simple. I’ve found that if I keep pushing, negotiating, thinking positively about my future, and meditating on the things I want come into being around me, the hard work works. And I’m not fooling around when I say that sometimes the hardest part has been letting go of what is.

… Because so what!?!? Maybe I’m not good enough, but I’m not going to let some stupid idea my brain made up hold my body back from what I know I’m capable of: working harder and getting better. The blind faith of others and a few bold decisions have brought me to the KLM ticket counter in Amsterdam this morning… I’m postponing my flight home until the 22nd and catching a train to Tours, France where I will attend a pre-season practice to tryout for a team there.

If the coach likes what she sees, I could be spending the next nine months incubating this hungry little caterpillar into a freaking beautiful volleyball monarch butterfly!!!

…

Stepping off the train in Saint-Pierre des Corps, I’m very travel weary. I stink and my shoulders are aching from carrying around these two big huge bags all day. I barely made my connection in Paris. The metro has changed since the last time I was here – there are no longer attendants selling tickets. It’s all electronic… Had I taken any longer to figure that godforsaken machine out it would’ve been a 50 euro train ticket from Montparnasse to Tours down the drain! Close one.

Finally settling into my seat for the last leg of my journey from South Paris to Tours was SUCH A RELIEF. Neither the Thalys nor the TGV had electricity or internet!!!! I guess we are spoiled with the trains in the states??!? This is news to me… I guess I’ve always generalized about the trains in Europe – thinking they’re the best. Even though I felt like I was a little stuck in the Middle Ages without the world wide web, I was able to utilize those six virtually uninterrupted hours to finally write and stamp the post cards I bought in Lake Bled. They are in the mail today!!

The treasurer of the club met me at the train station and took me straight to the home of the president of the club, where I’ll be staying tonight in a spare bedroom. He speaks perfect English. His demeanor is friendly and professional, and this won’t make sense in the context of this sentence, but he just screams FAMILY.

The president’s house was about ten minutes away. On the way over we spoke about the men’s club here and women who have played for the club from other countries in the past…  The president greeted us with a joke and a smile at the door. The walls of his two-story apartment are painted lime green and grey and decorated with zen photography and art (bamboo, leaves, rocks, you get the idea). His dog and cat are freaking adorable. His 21 year old son came out to say hello. We all sat in the backyard talking about me and them… After all the chaos of traveling, this moment was nice and casual and a little surreal...

After a while, they invited me to dinner in Tours to show me around and discuss more about the club. I accepted (Duh). They took me to the Italian restaurant in town where, they explained, the team goes for post-game dinners and parties. We sat at their usual table and ordered a bottle of wine. I ordered the Insalata Melanzane (a Mediterranean salad with eggplant, sun-dried tomatoes, and mozzarella). I talked about Billy a lot and our life back home. How supportive he is. How difficult this is for him and I. They said there is a four week break from December to January and that “when he comes to visit he must bring WINE!” Ahaha! YES!

Day 8 - Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

Happy anniversary to Billy - the most supportive, compassionate and loving person I know!!

Day 4 - Road to Discovery

PS - I forgot to mention in my Day 3 post that when I wasn't thinking about Gordon Ramsay's encouraging words, I was actually belting out bars from Sound of Music's "Climb Every Mountain"...  (So funny how things come full circle because Heidi Bell taught me to play volleyball and if I recall correctly, she played Mother Superior in her high school play - ha!)

 

After yesterday's let down of not making the top 14, I woke up determined to play my best today...  I was so jazzed that at 6am I was lacing up my shoes to go for a jog through the hilly paths just south of Hotel Dras.  The forest here is dense, but the early morning light was cutting through the trees in fabulous shades of pink and gold.  I actually stopped and stared - no, not to catch my breath! wink wink - to admire many of the little details about this place...  The wildflowers are in full bloom.  I spotted two deer and whole duck family (they "kvak" here - ahah!)...

In addition to the ski runs here (which double as mountain biking paths in the summer time), there is a ropes course, a golf course, a slide down the mountainside, two gondolas, a soccer field, an outdoor bounce house, a resort with yoga, swimming pools, a spa, and bike rentals...  Oh my gosh - this town has so much to offer!  Blah blah blah - Maribor is great!

After doing some yoga on the edge of a little reservoir outside our hotel, I went into the hotel restaurant for an early breakfast.  (Have I mentioned how amazing the food is here??)   I knew this would be my first morning that required coffee because I was up SO LATE and then woke up SO EARLY last night - I think my brain just needed to process the reality of hanging out at the bottom of this incredibly impressive lineup of skillful players/leaders, and thinking about how I've got to be ready for my close up today!  :)

Right after breakfast, we said goodbye to two of our roomies - and five became three.  Such mixed feelings!!  I'm so excited for them and the adventures they are about to embark upon, I'm jealous of their success, I'm so so sad to see them go...  Ahhh!  It's so confusing...  One second we're picking a girl up off the floor and telling her she has the next ball - the next second you're fantasizing about breaking her legs - haha!

ANYWAY - got ready really really carefully just to be sure my pre-game routine was done to a tee.  It was.  Unfortunately, we arrived in the gym to some bad news - that is - no more coaches are coming here to watch us...  The bright side??
1.  We are going to get some much needed down time tomorrow
2.  We will receive more personalized attention from our agents/coaches at trainings
3.  While we continue to improve, we buy time for the agents to drum up the best jobs that are still out there
4.  We might be embarking on a little road trip of our own to visit them

Even with this disappointing news, I felt good as soon as I stepped on the court.  No joke - I played the best volleyball of my whole entire life for the next two hours!  I know the other girls noticed, and of course, ha! I could barely recognize myself, so I noticed, but it's really hard to say if anyone else noticed...  My mission over the next week is to just keep doing things that get attention for the right reasons, and to continue to forge bonds with this incredible group of women...  Oh man, I am impatient for the fulfillment of all of our dreams of making a team.

In the afternoon, we practiced again and after lunch, I rented a bike and ventured into Maribor on my own.  It felt so so great to be on the bike...  (More on this later - hehe!)

It's only the fourth day here and I already feel like I have truly experienced a lifetime range of emotions.   I have laughed till my face is sore...  I've shouted "let's go" more times than I can count...  Sang "Climb Every Mountain", sat quietly, meditated, sobbed like a baby, and screamed YAY! like, well, like a school girl - which is how young I feel to be playing the highest level volleyball I've ever played right now.  This experience is like a roller coaster off the tracks...

It's very late, so I must be going to bed now...  More tomorrow!  Good night!

Day 3 - A Day to Forget!

I started out great today!  Had great butterfly passing and nice hitting lines.  But later on, during the six on six scrimmaging, I really started to see my dreams fading for the first time during this trip!!!!  I lost confidence on serve-receive and never really recovered...

After the live streamed inter-squad match I was feeling down for not making the top 14 remaining players.  So, I took a long beautiful hike up the ski run behind the hotel to clear my mind and relax a little...  It was so beautiful!  Breathing in the fresh mountain air felt amazing and at the top of the hill was this incredible view of the whole valley.  It really gave me some perspective on what I'm here to do.  I hope it helps me do better tomorrow.

The whole time - I don't know why - I just kept thinking about this quote from a Gordon Ramsay interview where he said about Hell's Kitchen something like, "They're all great chefs, but it's about getting through the process, winning challenges, and gaining experience along the way..."  Something like that...  Anyway, I just hope I can get my confidence back and put forth my best effort tomorrow.

Sleepy time!  More later...

What Does It Mean to Be Devoted?

Sitting here at 3am all packed up and ready to leave for SFO...

Volleyball has been what wakes me up in the morning (and what keeps me up at night) for a while now (mostly because of sore muscles - haha!), but lately, I've been contemplating what it means to really be devoted to something...  I mean really, really devoted - to the point where you would sacrifice just about anything to get what you're after.

So, that is why I'm sharing the dictionary.com definition of devotion below:

*Check out superdevotion (awesome!) and "see love" at the end!  Haha... :)

de·vo·tion

  [dih-voh-shuhn]

noun

1.

profound dedication; consecration.

2.

earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.

3.

an assignment or appropriation to any purpose, cause, etc.: thedevotion of one's wealth and time to scientific advancement.

4.

Often, devotions. Ecclesiastical . religious observance orworship; a form of prayer or worship for special use.

Origin: 
1150–1200; Middle English devocioun  (< Anglo-French ) < Late Latindēvōtiōn-  (stem of dēvōtiō ), equivalent to Latin dēvōt ( us ) (seedevote) + -iōn- -ion

Related forms

pre·de·vo·tion, noun

su·per·de·vo·tion, noun

Synonyms 
2. zeal, ardor. See love.

Source: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/devotion 07/30/13 9:54AM

Volleyball is why I strive to be a better person.  When I decided to pursure my dream to play volleyball professionally *with devotion*, so many positive changes in my life were just waiting for me...  As I'm writing this I'm realizing how cheesy this probably sounds to most of you, but I really believe this!  Whatever that thing is for you, just decide today that you'll be devoted to that and see what positive changes are waiting for you!